Parenting | Affinity Counselling

1Mar, 2023

Let’s Talk About Anger

I am seeing an increase in counselling sessions of anger in various forms. Anger and how it is expressed can be very damaging to the individual, couples and families. Anger has a place and is a valid feeling and expression of emotion, BUT, it is very rarely used effectively.

Why then do people use anger to express their needs?

Typically, we use anger to express a different emotion. Anger is the surface level expression that we use to show a more vulnerable emotion. We use anger when we are scared, we use it when we are hurt and we use it when we are frustrated.

Often, we have learnt this somewhat safe expression of our feelings at a young age. It may have been demonstrated to us by parents or guardians or maybe we used it to stay safe and feel heard. Sometimes we just don’t know how to identify what we are feeling and anger is a safe way of expressing ourselves.

The problem with anger is that we can do damage and very rarely get heard or get our needs met. In fact, usually we get labelled as a problem. Even if we are not the problem.

Anger is one of the most damaging expressions of emotion in a relationship and in parenting. Often, the person using anger is a lovely person. But the anger masks that and people only see the anger, not the human hurting underneath.

If you use anger in life, then chances are it isn’t making you friends and doesn’t make you feel happy. Safe, not vulnerable maybe but not happy.

If you use anger in a relationship then you will probably not feel heard and often, be labelled as the problem. You may in fact erode your relationship using anger too often.

If you use anger parenting then you are not creating healthy mechanisms in your kids for them later in life. You probably feel like you have control but as your kids get older, you will realise that anger doesn’t create respect. It can create fear and disrespect. Anger eventually makes parenting really hard and probably doesn’t work long term.

If you use anger as a tool, then maybe it is time to learn how to use something more effective to get your needs met. Save the anger for genuine danger when you genuinely need to stay safe.

Don’t keep anger in your toolbox of communication.

Sharon Chapman

Affinity Counselling

2Aug, 2021

How can low self- esteem affect the adolescent?

Those of you who have worked with me or are familiar with the work I do, would know that I put a lot of focus on self-esteem. For individuals, in relationships and of course nurturing this in our kids and teens. Self-esteem impacts every area of our lives. Often the first time we see signs that our self-esteem is low, is during the teen years. In this article, I want to talk about some of the signs I see in teens that show healthy self-esteem, and some of the symptoms that may show they need help.

So, what are some of the signs of healthy self-esteem in our teens?

The ability to form friendships and interact with their peers reasonably comfortably. School puts this under the spotlight as kids work to fit in and form relationships
Dealing with minor challenges in life comfortably
Engaging in hobbies and activities
Having a mostly healthy view of their physical self

These are just some things we would expect to see in our teens with healthy self-esteem. It is not a definitive list, but look for these things to ensure they are tracking well.

Now let’s look at some of the signs of low self-esteem in this age group.

Having difficulty making or keeping friendships or peer relationships
Holding back from volunteering answers or participating in class
Not owning their achievements or downplaying them
Isolating themselves from others, sometimes including at home (although healthy teens do like their bedrooms also!)
Being angry at things that shouldn’t normally incite anger
Hearing a negative message from others when it wasn’t in fact negative
Being overly judgemental of others
Blaming others for their own mistakes or problems
Negative moods. Often taken out on family and peers
Poor self-image. Sometimes masked through makeup, controlled eating or exercising
Being promiscuous. Having sexual encounters that aren’t appropriate or with someone they don’t care for
Difficulty accepting compliments
Trying to be a perfectionist, or conversely, not trying at all
Fear of failure, above what would be expected at this age
For girls, wearing a lot of makeup to leave the home
Making a statement by dressing in outlandish outfits to act as though they don’t care about fitting in
Using alcohol and drugs
Being overly sulky
Anxiety
Depression
Cutting

As you can see, the list of potential signs of low self-esteem is long and varied. Some of the things may well be normal and a part of the adolescent experience and growth. It can be difficult to see immediately, if it is normal teen behaviour, or low self-esteem at play. I often speak with parents who contact me for their teens for behavioural issues, they believe they have a teen who is simply acting out and adhering to the ‘typical difficult teen’ we all hear about. Usually when I start working with these kids, it becomes apparent pretty quickly, that the behaviours are a result of low self-esteem, they are negative coping mechanisms they have drawn on to stay safe.

Client case adapted to ensure privacy and confidentiality:

I worked with a young lady, 14, who was rude to her family, sulky, disrespectful to teachers and had few friends. The friends she did have, she didn’t treat very well. When she met me, she was angry and dismissive of counselling. Her Mum was used to her behaving like that and put it down to her being a difficult teen. It was only when they discovered she had started drinking and was having sex, that they decided something needed to be done and contacted me.

To the outside world, this girl was just not a nice person. Her Mum kept apologising to me for how rude she was when we would meet (this confirmed to this girl that she was a big problem). When she finally decided she could trust me and she opened up, we discovered that her self-esteem was very low. She had been acting as she had so that people wouldn’t see how terrified she was that she wasn’t as good as other kids. All her behaviours were about trying to stay safe and fit in. In a very odd way, but she was trying to show she didn’t care. When she realised that these behaviours meant people didn’t like her for those, she was stuck and couldn’t back track without losing face. She then dug her heels in and took on even more poor decisions.

Inside, the truth was, she really believed she was ugly and stupid and thought her parents didn’t love her as much as her siblings. With her behaviours she had dug herself a hole and couldn’t find a way out. (After finishing our counselling work, she is a happy, well adjusted teen with healthy self-esteem and way easier to parent as a result).

This is pretty typical of what I see although the symptoms are varied. I do find that parents tend to reach out when the behaviours are impacting others in a negative way. Often the problem is not seen if the teen presents them in towards themselves. If you see a number of these symptoms in your teen, then it is worthwhile looking at to see what is going on underneath in that adolescent brain.

Being a teen is hard work. We have all been there. It is a time where we are trying to work out how we fit it, who we are, navigate school, home, exams, hormones and expectations, all with a brain that is still growing and developing.

If throughout this journey, our self-esteem is healthy, then we have an easier time of this task. If it isn’t, then we can create some negative coping mechanisms that we may well take into adulthood with us.

One of the best gifts you can give your child is helping them, either yourself or with the help of a professional, to have a healthy self-esteem so life is that little bit easier to navigate and they can be their authentic self.

16Feb, 2021

Parenting Teens Effectively

Parenting today is incredibly challenging and as parents, we can no longer use the template of how we were parented, to help us navigate this role.

Gone are the days of authoritarian parenting for teens. Teens today have access to more information than we ever had and so, have more power than we ever did. As much as we would like to believe we can still dictate the rules, it often just isn’t effective.

I am a parent to 4 children and I know how easy it would be to parent as my parents did. I’d really like to be able to parent like that. I also see as a Counsellor of many teens, that this way of parenting simply isn’t effective. The reality is, we can parent how we want to or we can parent effectively. As parents, we need to look at what is happening with our kids and find a way to navigate it safely with them.

Absolutely we still need rules and discipline. But how we apply these rules needs to be different. I am considered by my kid’s friends as being very strict. But I am also seen as the person they can all safely talk to and not be judged.

My kids too talk to me openly because they feel safe to do that. I won’t judge, yell or lose my head. I listen and work with them. Because they can talk openly to me and they feel respected, they also respect me which allows me to have strict rules and they choose to follow them.

My best advice to parents today is when your kids tell you something negative, don’t react. They are watching for you to react and if you do, they close down and you won’t get much more out of them. How then do you keep them safe and apply your rules when you don’t know what is happening?

Probably easiest to explain this in an example.

Suppose your daughter who is 15, has a party on the weekend that will have alcohol at it. A lot of the kids at this age are already seasoned drinkers.

If she has a safe relationship with you and feels that she can talk openly, not be in trouble and that you will try and help her navigate life rather than ban her from it, she will tell you the truth. You, as the adult then can explore how safe this particular party is for her and make a safe decision for your child. You can have a conversation with her and ask questions to help you decide the best course. Who is going? Who is supervising? Will the parents be there? Are they parenting on the same page as you or are they trying to be the popular parent and provide alcohol? How well does your daughter fit into this group? Will she be ridiculed if she doesn’t drink? Do you want her to have a drink to fit in? Do you want her to not drink but she needs a good excuse to counter the peer group pressure? She will talk openly about this stuff with you and together you can come up with a plan. It becomes collaborative parenting with your child which is effective.

Sometimes you might decide that this particular party isn’t safe and tell her she can’t attend, explaining why so she learns and doesn’t feel dictated to. Sometimes you might decide that the party isn’t dangerous, you don’t like the alcohol there but know she needs to fit in or life is too hard socially at school. You come up with a plan that she will go and she will hold a drink so everyone thinks she is drinking, she fits in, the pushing from her peers will stop. You have a code word that she can text you at any time if she needs you to call her. The result is, she trusts you to be open, you can keep her safe, she still fits in (which is really important at this age in particular), she feels protected by you and you can trust that she will come to you with problems.

You are able to say no to other parties because she trusts you to help her, not stop her.

Now imagine you have an authoritarian parenting relationship. Your daughter asks you if she can go to the party. You ask if there is alcohol there, and if she really wants to go, chances are she will lie. You now have no idea of the situation your daughter will be in, you presume she is safe but if something goes wrong there, she can’t call on you. Your 15-year-old daughter is now navigating an adult world on her own.

Whilst as parents we want to be able to parent and set the rules how we want, it isn’t always effective. Building a collaborative relationship with your teen that allows free communication and respect that works both ways, allows you to keep your child safe as they find their way into adulthood .

Teens believe that know everything but as we know, they are naive in many ways. Unfortunately, they are also able to navigate around us if they really want to. We want to believe the best of our kids, but unless you have a great relationship where they are safe to talk to you about the negative, chances are, they are busy doing what they want in some ways and you just don’t know.

A real example of this I want to share with you. A teen girl, 17, has a ‘fun’ relationship with her Mum. Her Mum thinks because they shop and laugh together, that she knows all about her daughter. But her Mum has laid down the law to her. She was told, “If you have sex before you’re 18 I’ll disown you. No drinking and no dates until then”. Her daughter was fine with this until she met a boy she wanted to date. She tested the water with her Mum and asked if she could go on a date. Her Mum gave a very direct no and threatened her again.

Mum assumed all was good, they still laughed and joked around, nothing much changed. Her daughter however, had her heart set on this boy and started to date him. She met him at the park, after school, when she was supposedly with her friends. Mum had no idea. The relationship got more serious and she wanted to go the next step with him. She left the house one night when her parents asleep and had sex with him in the local park. Mum still thinking she has kept her daughter safe by being strict.

At this stage, she is now in a relationship with this boy and her family still know nothing of him. He invites her to a party with his friends and wants her to stay the night. She desperately wants to do this so she comes up with a plan. She asks to sleep at a friend’s house and is allowed to. Her Mum has an app on her phone to see where she is. She goes to her friends place and gets ready to go out with her boyfriend. She then leaves her phone at her friend’s house so the app shows that she is there and she takes a cheap phone with her. The plan is that if her Mum calls, her friend will call her on the cheap phone, put her on speaker and then answer her Mum and put the phones next to each other.

It was very clever and she got the night with her boyfriend and her Mum believes she spent the night at her friend’s house. Luckily, nothing went wrong. But the danger here is that Mum can’t keep her daughter safe. She dictated rules without listening and as such, her daughter chose to navigate this new world on her own.

This is a true story and one of many like this that I hear of now. Absolutely as parents we want to determine the rules for our kids. But how you do this now matters more than ever. Develop a relationship with your kids that allows them to tell you the bad stuff and you can help guide them onto the right path. You can still have strict rules, but you need to get your kids to want to follow the rules.

If you need help navigating the teen years, Book Now for a parenting session to help develop a trusting relationship with your teen.

30May, 2019

I’m a Mum and I don’t enjoy it.

The simple answer is, “Yes”! The more complex answer is, “Most people love their kids and enjoy some aspects of parenting”.

Mums and Dads both provide an important role in the family. But many Mums will struggle with both finding balance and looking after themselves and the pretty standard “Mum guilt”. The reality is, Mums more and more seem to be struggling with who they are meant to be these days.

One of the worst parts of this is that we don’t talk about how we really feel. Mums are supposed to “feel lucky” and love every aspect of parenting. Or so we tell ourselves.

Go back a couple of generations and we observe that Mums and Dads had very clearly defined roles. Dads were largely responsible for earning the money and Mums were responsible for keeping the home and children in order. Whilst women may have not been entirely happy with this role, they at least knew who they were meant to be. They had a clearly defined job description to follow, as did men. Easier to do your job when you have a clearly defined role to guide you.

Fast forward today and women are now supposed to be career women, full-time mothers, part-time workers and everything in between. No longer is the job of being a woman clearly defined and whatever path you choose, there is either judgement, often self-judgement or guilt associated with the role. Mums often find themselves stuck in the middle of these roles and are deeply unhappy but can see no path out of the life they have found themselves in.

We don’t want to go back a couple of generations, but we do need to find a way to be who we are and accept our choices around parenting as valid. And that might mean being honest about not enjoying being a Mum!

Naturally there are restrictions on which roles Mums can choose from due to financial constraints, age of children and lifestyle choices. Sometimes Mums want to stay at home and be full-time Mums but can’t due to financial needs. Sometimes Mums want to work a full-time job and can’t due to babysitting requirements. Often there is not much that can be done to alter these circumstances and we need to find a way to work within the choices available and still find a happy balance.

I can’t tell you how often I have met a couple in couples counselling and as they tell me that they are really fortunate that Dad works and Mum is “really lucky” and gets to stay home to raise the kids. And while this might be a fortunate financial position to be able to make this choice, when I watch Mum, I don’t see someone who seems to feel “really lucky”.

What I often see, is a woman who feels like she should be feeling really lucky, isn’t even feeling happy about her role and then feels really guilty for not feeling lucky! When I bring this into focus, Dad usually looks shocked and sad (men don’t want their partners to feel unhappy) and Mum usually looks like a huge weight has been lifted that she can finally be honest and validated for not loving the stay at home mum role.

What do we do then to stay happy and raise our kids?

Balance. That is really what it is all about for women to find a life that is content if not happy during the childhood years. And the key to this balance is to be selfish. Yes, that’s right, Mums often need to learn how to be selfish in order to find a happy balance.

Every Mum I have spoken to in my counselling room has stated that they aren’t living the life for themselves they would choose. Maybe they can’t work as much as they like, go out with friends, play sports, essentially make choices for themselves because they need to put family first. Mums take on the role that is there and fulfil it with little thought to their own needs. Over time, Mums slowly find that they are not enjoying being a Mum as much as they thought they should and often feel like they have lost sight of who they are. Mums often lose their identity and their self-esteem is impacted. And on top of that, is the guilt of not enjoying the parenting role.

If Mum isn’t happy, then this will flow through to many areas in the family unit whether we like it or not. It is crucial that parents retain their identity whilst parenting and find a role that either provides happiness or at the very least, contentment.

The first thing I want to remind every Mum of is that it is ok to not enjoy parenting!! You still love your child. You are still a good Mum. I’m a Mum. My kids are mostly adults now and there were parts of parenting that I really didn’t like. My adult kids think I’m awesome (mostly!) and we have a great relationship. I was still a good Mum when I didn’t enjoy it. I also looked after myself so I could be the best version of Mum me I could be. Mum guilt doesn’t fix anything.

It is a really hard, challenging, rewarding, crazy, exhausting role. There are amazing parts of course and so much love but it is at times physically and mentally challenging and can be really lonely and boring too. And it is ok to feel this, to know this, to say this. It doesn’t mean you don’t love your kids; it just means you are an adult that requires different stimulation than what full time parenting provides.

The first step is to be honest with yourself and work out what makes you happy. The second step is to find small ways to achieve these things. Keeping in mind that it is all about balance. Maybe working two days a week is enough to fulfil the need you have to feel mentally stimulated and have the social interaction with other people. Maybe playing a sport one night a week is enough for you to feel that you are still retaining a part of you. There is no set answer, there is only what works for you the individual and whatever it is, it is ok!!

Your kids, your partner, your family, they will all benefit when you find a life that offers you enough to still be you. You are a person, you matter. Try and be a little bit selfish and watch your family thrive of the real you.

Being a Mum doesn’t mean you stop being a woman. Work out what you need as a woman and try and meet that as best you can with the choices that are available to you. And stop the Mum guilt! Live life how you would like your adult kids to live theirs one day. Be a great model of how to be a Mum and the person you are.

Here if you need.

9May, 2019

Teens and Social Media

Social media is having a bigger impact than many parents realise on the behaviour of their teenagers. Recently in my work I have had a large increase in parents asking for help with their teenagers and social media. Unfortunately for parents today, we are in a position of learning as we go, with little hard data on how to manage social media in healthy way. This is one area that we can’t refer back to our own childhoods on how to manage as we didn’t have any of this technology. Much of our parenting is guided by drawing on our own experience as a child and what we know worked or didn’t work. As parents today we are forging new ground and it can be both hard work and very confusing.

Some of the issues we are seeing include a large rise in self-esteem issues, poor behaviour, anger, withdrawal, lack of respect and engaging in activities that are older than we would hope for an age group.

For us oldies that went to school before social media came about, we faced the challenges of a school day and then went home where no peers entered our reality again until the next school day. For kids today, they come home and if they have social media, half their year class virtually comes home with them.

Often teens disappear to their bedrooms and take their device with them. For some kids, that is the last you see of them until a brief visit at meal time and then back they go to their friends and plenty of people who are simply acquaintances.

During these teens years, especially the early ones, our teens are forming their identity. They are working out who they are, their status, qualities, self-view and overall belief system of themselves. So this time is an incredibly important one and a time in which parents need to provide a safe space and guidance.

If we have half the school coming into our home through online devices, we lose a lot of control and expose our kids to a greater risk of forming an inaccurate self-view. Peer pressure to be a particular person, behave a certain way, is now presented to them in the safety of their home. If this goes badly, home is no longer a safe space.

As parents, our role is to keep our kids safe, teach them and guide them. Sometimes social media is the direct enemy of this. As if parenting teenagers isn’t hard enough, throw in social media and you have a whole other challenge to work with. Add to this that our kids are usually way more educated around current technology (I often hand my phone to my kids to ‘fix’ if I am stuck) than we are. On top of that, peer group pressure means they ‘need’ this technology. Both for school and so they fit in with perrs. When it comes to teenagers and social media any wonder parents are confused with how to parent.

I frequently see teenagers who are comparing themselves and their lives with their online friends. We are all aware that most of us post the ‘highlight reel’ of our lives on social media. Even knowing this, teens still take what they see on face value.

The first risk I see with social media is a distorted view of other people’s lives. Comparing themselves and their life to this then often leaves them feel like they are lacking or not good enough. It is often the first step to kids trying to be someone other than themselves.

The second risk I see is that anyone can put up just about anything online and it doesn’t need to have any truth to it at all. One of the best examples of this is teen girls following Instagram models and admiring their body and lifestyle and aspiring to this. Unfortunately, whilst there are some genuine people online, there are also plenty of these models with eating disorders.

I know of a group of teen girls who were obsessively following a particular Instagram model. Trying to diet and exercise as she was telling them she did to get her body. The problem was, this particular model was anorexic and had even admitted to fighting this illness (although not on her account). So we now had a group of teenagers whose idol and inspiration was a mentally ill woman who was creating an unhealthy image for them to aspire to. That’s really hard to parent against.

The third risk factor I see is the online bullying. As parents we are all aware that this exists but whether it is happening to your own child or not can sometimes be hard to determine. Bullying online can take all forms. A throw away negative comment by someone can be enough to make someone question their own identity or self-worth. Not being invited to social events and then seeing the evidence constantly stream online is a hard one for teens too.

The fourth risk I see is the push to grow up faster. Our teens are exposed to so much more than we may realise through social media. Group chats, videos, captions and pictures posted can contain plenty of inappropriate material that we wouldn’t otherwise allow our teens to see. In addition to this, kids are talking to each other in more inappropriate and disrespectful ways. It is easier when it isn’t in person to lose sight of normal boundaries.

The frequency of our young men asking our girls for ‘nudes’ and similarly, girls sending boys inappropriate photos of themselves. Many parents would be horrified to see the amount of this that goes on in some teen circles. Our kids still don’t understand that what they send or forward can not only land them in legal trouble but may stick with them for life. Many parents don’t think this is happening in their area. It is. You just haven’t seen it. There is a ‘code’ they are trying to keep and that includes not sharing this with adults.

The fifth and final risk is the amount of use these devices get and the health and mental health ramifications. Not only are things like eye sight affected, but mental health, depression, anger, self-esteem and withdrawal from other interests or family are now part of the possible problems you may have to contend with.

Whilst it is normal for teens to want to spend time in their rooms alone, the amount of time matters. If your teen is not engaged in conversations with you, skipping family time, racing to their room as fast as they can, then you may have a problem. Like anything, technology can become addictive and watching for social media/device addiction is important.

These are some of the things I see come of social media and teenagers. As a parent, set clearly defined expectations around social media and then try and be diligent in enforcing these expectations. Don’t fall into the trap of giving them access to social media until you believe they are ready and certainly not before they are legally allowed for their age. You aren’t being mean by keeping them safe.

Talk to your teens, make sure they remain engaged with you and talk about their day. The more you are engaged the easier it will be to notice changes in behaviour and watch for problems. Set restrictions in the amount of time they can be online or in their room. Ensure they are interacting with family.

Perhaps most importantly, try and form a trust and respect relationship with your teen. If you can create a safe relationship where your teen can tell you of their problems, concerns or mistakes without fear, then you have set yourself into a good space to be their guide and protector. The best role you can have as a parent of a teen.

If you feel you would like some help then Book a session now.

23Jul, 2014

Make Your Relationship a Priority

One of the first questions couples will ask me when they start marriage counselling is, “How effective is marriage counselling and do you think our relationship can be fixed”? While I can’t give couples a definite yes or no answer as to whether their relationship will be what they want, marriage counselling can be and is very effective, provided there are some essentials in place.

To have a good chance at creating a happy relationship, a couple still need to have some level of regard for each other. Whether there is still some love there, some respect or at least a lot of like towards that person, it won’t work if couples are trying simply because they ‘should’ or for the sake of the children.

Couples also need to be willing to work at the relationship and take responsibility for their role in the existing relationship. If you are not willing to accept that you may need to make changes as an individual, then there is not much chance of creating a healthy relationship with your partner. Marriage counselling is not about ‘fixing’ one person, it is about identifying what is not working for the relationship and both people taking part in making changes to achieve their goals for the relationship.

Finally, the relationship needs to be given priority status. This is undoubtedly one of the things many couples struggle with both prior to counselling and during the process. Much of the couple’s work I do is based on home tasks to get the change couples want. It is through the tasks at home that couples get the most change and often faster results.

Unfortunately, many couples will arrive at the next session with the opening line that they have not had time to complete the task set for the relationship as work/children/life was too busy. What I hear from that statement is that the relationship is not a priority and if it can’t be given the time during this process then it is unlikely to ever be given the time. A pretty sad statement for the future of the relationship.

Relationship Priority is Incredibly Important

It is incredibly important that you make the relationship a priority in order to maintain a healthy relationship. Most couples will put endless amounts of time and energy into the relationship in the early stages, usually the first couple of years. The relationship is exciting and fulfilling and there is a lot of thought put into how to keep it healthy. Little wonder people thrive in this ‘honeymoon period’ of a relationship.

Once couples are in their comfort zone, they start to take their eye off the relationship and expect it will continue to move along as it has in the past but without the effort. For many people, they believe that if the relationship is a good one, then is should not require effort. This is not true. Every relationship requires effort and the happiest relationships are the ones that have been given plenty of attention.

Think back to the start of your relationship. What was it like? How much effort did you put in to make your partner happy? How much time did you put in to being there in the relationship? How often did you put other things such as friends or work as a lower priority in order to put the relationship first?

For most couples, the relationship was given top priority at the beginning and fast track to the present and it is often given the lowest priority. I understand that life changes and with children, careers and mortgages, priorities have to change and time is limited. But, couples will always say that they have to find the time for work and always find the time for the kid’s activities. Why? Because it wouldn’t occur to them to not make it happen, it is given priority. Why then is the relationship, which defines so much of people’s lives, relegated to such a low priority?

For most couples, they are aware that the relationship may be having some problems, that it is not as satisfying as it once was, but there is often the unspoken belief that once time is more available (possibly many years down the track) then they will put effort back into the relationship. Until then, it can limp along without any attention given to it.

It is during this period that relationships often fail. One person may not be satisfied with the relationship just existing, or quite often, a third party becomes involved in the relationship and an affair begins.

How to Make Your Relationship a Priority

Starting today (yep not tomorrow cause work is busy!), think of how you can make your relationship a priority. Look for small ways to let your partner know you are thinking of them. A text in the day telling them you love them, stop and buy a small gift or their favourite snack on the way home, cook a favourite meal or surprise them with takeout so they don’t have to cook.

In the evening, find some time to sit with each other. Just half an hour most evenings can be enough to maintain a healthy relationship through busy times. Put the technology aside, sit next to each other on the lounge (yep you have to actually sit near each other sometimes!!), just chat about nothing in particular, it is about finding time to connect as a couple.

Think back to the start of your relationship. What did you do that you both liked, that made the relationship so nice? Try and find ways to bring some of those things back into the relationship. Work together to be solution focused to find ways. If you used to travel all the time together but now have young kids and can’t do that, then perhaps a night away once every couple of months can be enough for now to sustain your relationship. There are solutions, look for them.

What have you done this week to make your relationship a priority? If you want to hold onto that wonderful relationship you took the time to create, then take the time now to nurture it and allow it to continue to thrive with the attention.

Category Archives: Parenting