Do You Have Empathy in Your Relationship?
If you’re in a relationship that feels disconnected or emotionally distant, it may be time to ask: Is empathy missing between us?
As a relationship counsellor in the Hills District, I often see couples who are frustrated by how differently they respond to things. But what’s often missing isn’t love, it’s empathy.
Empathy is the backbone of a healthy, connected relationship. It’s the ability to put yourself in your partner’s shoes and try to understand how they feel. Without it, couples can feel stuck on opposite sides of an issue, rather than working together as a team.
In my Baulkham Hills counselling practice, the couples who show a high level of empathy often make faster, more meaningful progress. They can navigate conflict more easily and spend less time in therapy because they’ve already built that emotional bridge between each other.
Why Empathy Matters in a Relationship
Empathy helps couples overcome their differences. Life throws up different reactions and emotional triggers for each person. With empathy, couples can stay connected even when they disagree. Without it, you’re more likely to feel judged, alone, or misunderstood.
Take this example:
If your friend loses their job, you might say, “I’m so sorry. That must be hard. How can I help?”
But if your partner loses their job, it’s common to jump to panic: “What will we do about the bills?” That reaction may be valid but if it comes before empathy, your partner may feel unsupported.
Empathy first. Practicality second. That’s what creates emotional safety.
Seeing It from Their Side
Let’s say you and your partner see a dog hit by a car while walking in Castle Hill. One of you feels heartbroken for the dog. The other worries about the driver’s trauma. Both responses are valid, just different.
Empathy means saying: “I see you feel strongly about this and I care about how you’re feeling,” instead of, “Why are you reacting like that?” This helps avoid arguments about who’s “right” and keeps you emotionally close.
How to Show More Empathy
Empathy isn’t just a feeling it’s a skill you can practise.
When your partner reacts differently than you would:
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Pause and ask yourself: “What might they be feeling right now?”
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If you’re not sure, ask: “Can you tell me what you’re feeling?”
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Listen actively. Put your phone down. Face them. Be present.
Here are some ways to express empathy:
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“I can see you’re really upset. Do you want to talk about it?”
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“That must feel so hard. I’m sorry you’re going through this.”
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“I may not fully understand it, but I care that it’s upsetting you.”
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“What can I do right now that would help?”
You don’t have to fix everything. Sometimes, the best thing you can do is just care and show it.
Strengthen Your Relationship with Empathy
Empathy is one of the core tools I help couples build during relationship counselling sessions here in the Hills District. It’s part of the glue that keeps couples feeling close, secure, and safe with each other.
If your relationship feels emotionally out of sync, you’re not alone. I offer couples counselling in Baulkham Hills, Castle Hill, and Norwest to help couples reconnect and communicate more deeply.
As always, here if you need.
Relationship Counsellor – Hills District Sydney