Marriage is a beautiful contract established between two individuals who choose to live their lives together.
It’s no secret that most married couples sailed through their budding relationship, engagement, and honeymoon period with flying colours. It’s so easy to maintain passion and intimacy when things are fresh, new, and exciting. And then life happens.
We get busier. Life’s overwhelming demands never seem to ease up. We expand our families and experience sheer exhaustion like we never even knew existed. We run into road blocks, are faced with setbacks and struggles, and we are forced to make tough decisions. Days run into weeks, and weeks run into months, and before we realise the magnitude of or monotony, we’ve settled into a routine that lacks the spark that originally started the fire.
A marriage is hard work, just like a career, parenting, or finishing up your higher level of education. It takes effort, practice, and devotion in order to succeed, and when everything else is taking priority, we have a tendency to put our marriages on the backburner. We stop actively communicating with our spouse because we assume they already know what we should be telling them. We take them for granted, and we forget how important it is to verbalise our feelings.
In fact, the number one reason that couples file for divorce ultimately boils down to a lack of communication. This is closely followed by financial disagreements and lack of support and/or trust – both of which could be addressed with sufficient communication. Essentially, almost all major reasons that couples choose to break their marital promises should be resolvable with adequate communication. Unfortunately, when couples allow themselves to become distant, bitter, angry, or resentful, attempts at communication often result in hostility, defensiveness, and arguments.
Do We Really Need Marriage Counselling?
If your marriage has reached the point where communications are always heated and there is little to no compromise in your relationship with your spouse, marriage counselling could be the answer to your problems. If you have tried confronting your spouse about your situation, and the two of you are unable to find level ground, a marriage counsellor can be a neutral buffer that not only facilitates civil and unbiased conversation, but helps to uncover the roots of your dissatisfaction. An experienced marriage counsellor can provide helpful exercises that will teach couples how to communicate and ways to approach and resolve their problems.
Most people assume that marriage is supposed to be a happily ever after of sorts and when the going gets tough, divorce is the easy solution. Unfortunately, divorce often has a profound impact on all involved. It may not just affect the couple, but can involve children, extended family members, and mutual friends.
If your marriage is suffering from a lack of communication, hostility, bitterness, and resentment, maybe it’s time to address the issues before they allow your relationship to become completely destroyed. Perhaps you are a newly engaged couple and you are determined that your marriage is not going to become one of the thousands that fall to the passive depths of divorce. If so, consider marriage counselling so that you can approach your commitment with the tools to help prevent monotony and unhappiness.
Regardless if your marriage is in distress or if you feel that you and your spouse are on top of your game, marriage counselling is always a great way to open doors of communication, learn ways to become even further connected, and continue your marriage as a fully devoted couple that will stick it out, till death do us part.