Love and the Law of Supply and Demand in Relationships
Do you have enough love in your relationship to cover the cost of the problems that arise? Healthy relationships are all about supply and demand.
School for me was a long time ago, but I still remember those economic lessons where we were taught about supply and demand. If I really want to buy tomatoes and there’s a huge supply, then they’re not very expensive. The supply is greater than the demand, I get my tomatoes, and I’m happy.
But if I really want tomatoes and there aren’t many available, the price goes up. I might not get my tomatoes at all. There’s not enough supply to meet my demand.
In a relationship, it works the same way. The love, kindness, and thoughtful actions that make your partner feel loved, these are the product. The tomatoes, if you like.
When there’s a problem in your relationship, the supply of love (tomatoes) is drawn upon. If there’s been plenty of love flowing, then the cost of the problem isn’t too high. But if love has been in short supply, even small issues can feel expensive.
Think back to a time in your relationship when things were going well, maybe at the start or when you got married. You probably found that the little things didn’t bother you as much. That’s because you felt loved, and the supply was strong.
Small annoyances don’t hit as hard when love is abundant.
Picture your partner’s shoes left by the door where you could trip on them. If your relationship feels loving and connected, you might just move them aside or laugh about it. You might mention it kindly or let it slide.
But when love feels scarce, your reaction is likely different. You might feel frustrated or even resentful. You might kick them aside in anger, or hide them to “teach them a lesson” (yes, I’ve heard couples do this!). The same action has a very different cost depending on how full your emotional tank is.
These little things add up, and they matter more when the supply of love can’t meet the emotional demand.
I often hear people say, “I feel like I can never do anything right.” This can happen for many reasons in a relationship, but often it’s a sign that the love has stopped flowing freely.
That doesn’t mean you don’t love each other anymore. It just means you’re not doing the little things that show your partner they’re love consistently.
Most couples still say “I love you.” They go to the anniversary dinner. They show up for social events. But they’ve stopped doing the daily, small gestures that make the other person feel deeply seen and cared for.
Want to improve your relationship? Focus on adding love not just fixing problems.
A really effective way to shift your relationship is to stop focusing on what’s wrong and instead focus on how you’re showing love. Do more of what makes your partner feel appreciated. Then see if the little problems begin to feel smaller.
It’s like being in a job you no longer enjoy, suddenly, small annoyances feel like huge problems. But when you love the job, you tend to brush off the same things.
So, does your relationship have enough tomatoes? Enough love to handle the everyday challenges?
Think about what you did today to show your partner what they mean to you. What small act of love did you offer? Then think about what else you could do and start doing it.
Every single day, make sure there are enough tomatoes.
Supply and Demand.
Sharon Chapman
Affinity Counselling – Relationship Counselling in the Hills District