People are social animals, wired to seek connection, companionship, and intimacy.

We need a herd. One of the most profound and rewarding aspects of life is the ability to form and maintain healthy relationships. These connections, whether with family, friends, or romantic partners, contribute significantly to our overall well-being, emotional health, and happiness.

What are the key foundations of a healthy relationship?

Communication

Effective communication is a crucial part of any successful relationship. It involves both speaking and listening openly and empathetically. Clear and honest communication promotes understanding, reduces misunderstandings, and helps resolve conflicts. Active listening, where you truly pay attention to what the other person is saying without judgment, is important.

Respect and Trust

Respect and trust go hand in hand in healthy relationships. Respecting each other’s boundaries, opinions, and decisions demonstrates that you value the other person as an individual. Trust, on the other hand, is the foundation upon which relationships are built. It requires consistency, reliability, and honesty. Broken trust can be repaired but it takes time, effort and a real willingness to work at it.

Empathy and Compassion

Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another person. It’s a powerful tool in building emotional connections. When you empathise with someone, you provide emotional safety where they feel heard and understood. Compassion complements empathy by motivating you to take positive actions to support and uplift others during challenging times. Empathy and compassion foster intimacy and strengthen the bonds between individuals.

Healthy Conflict Resolution

Conflict is inevitable in any relationship. What sets healthy relationships apart is how conflict is managed. Healthy relationships use conflict as an opportunity for growth and to learn about each other. It’s important to remember that conflict isn’t about winning or losing but about finding solutions that benefit both parties.

Quality Time

Quality time often takes a low priority these days with our busy lives. However, spending meaningful time together is essential for nurturing healthy relationships. Whether it’s sharing a meal, engaging in hobbies, or simply having a heartfelt conversation, quality time strengthens emotional bonds and keeps the sense of togetherness. It’s not the quantity of time spent but the quality of the interactions that matter.

Individuality and Interdependence

While being in a relationship, it’s crucial to maintain a sense of individuality. Healthy relationships thrive when both individuals have their own interests, goals, and identities. This independence contributes to personal growth and a healthy relationship. At the same time, interdependence is about relying on each other for emotional support, collaboration, and shared experiences. Striking the balance between individuality and interdependence ensures a relationship remains healthy and vibrant. This is something most couples will need to work at to find a good balance and it changes over time.

Gratitude and Appreciation

Expressing gratitude and appreciation can work wonders in maintaining healthy relationships. Regularly acknowledging the efforts, qualities, and contributions of your loved ones strengthens the emotional connection and promotes a positive atmosphere.

Healthy relationships are an essential component of a fulfilling life. They require continuous work, open communication, empathy, and mutual respect. By cultivating these qualities, you can create connections that not only bring happiness but also support personal growth and well-being.

How healthy is your relationship?

Love. Do you have enough love in your relationship to cover the cost of the problems that arise? Healthy relationships are about supply and demand.

School for me was a long time ago but I still remember those economic lessons where we were taught all about Supply and Demand. If I really want to buy tomatoes and there is a huge supply of tomatoes, then they are not very expensive. The supply is greater than the demand. I can get my tomatoes and I am happy.

If I really want tomatoes and there are not many tomatoes available, then the price of tomatoes will go up and I might not get my tomatoes. There will not be enough supply to look after my demands.

In a relationship, it is also about supply and demand. The good stuff, the love, the actions that make your partner feel loved are the product, the tomatoes if you like.

When there is a problem in the relationship, the supply of love (tomatoes), is drawn upon. If there are enough tomatoes, then it is not too expensive. If though, the love (tomatoes) has been in short supply, that loss is going to be felt.

If you think back to a time in your relationship when you got on well and nothing much bothered you in the relationship, probably at the start or maybe when you got married. What you will probably notice here is that the things that bothered you in the relationship, especially the small things, were easily overcome. This is because you felt really loved so the problems didn’t cost much.

Picture your partners shoes left by the door where you can trip over them. When there is an abundant supply of love, you might just kick them to the side, pick them up, ignore them or let them know that it bothered you.

Now those same shoes left by the door when there is very little supply of love, your reaction will very likely be different. You might ignore them but feel angry, you might kick them aside, again with anger, you might get very angry. Maybe you will take the shoes and hide them to “teach them a lesson” (yes, I have heard couples do this to each other).

It is these little things that annoy in a relationship and these little things have a bigger impact when the demand of them is greater than the supply of love to draw on.

Supply and Demand.

I sometimes hear couples where one person will say that they feel they can never do anything right. Now this can be for a whole host of reasons in a relationship but one of the causes of this is that the love has stopped flowing.

This doesn’t mean you don’t love each other. It simply means you don’t spend enough time showing each other that you love them. Most couples when the supply lags, will still say things like, “I love you”. They will still do the anniversary dinner. They will still do couples things with other couples or events together. What they don’t do, is the small things that make the other person feel really loved.

A really quick way to improve your relationship right now is to stop trying to fix the negatives and start focusing on how you make your partner feel loved. Start doing loving things for your partner and then see if those little problems are in fact little problems.

It is a bit like being in a job that you no longer enjoy. There might be minor things in the day that normally wouldn’t bother you, but when you don’t get enjoyment from the job anymore, those minor things suddenly feel really big.

Has your relationship become filled with problems and not enough love to supply the fix? Does your relationship have enough tomatoes?

Right now, think about what you did today to show your partner what they mean to you. What you did today to show them you love them. Then think about what you can do!

Start doing it. Every single day, make sure there are enough tomatoes.

Supply and Demand.

Sharon Chapman

Affinity Counselling